Sep 15

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2015 Week One: Vikings vs 49ers

The Vikings deservedly got their collective rear-end handed to them on a platter.

In a word, they looked terrible.

I went into the game with hope and they quickly eradicated it and then stabbed it repeatedly to make sure it was dead. No, I am not waxing hyperbolic.

This team is terrible and I saw no indication that there was an easy fix. But, for entertainment purposes, let’s break it down.

Football is finally here!

Just last week, I was excited about football season. Silly, stupid, me.

The Good

  • I didn’t have anything sharp near me during the game so I was not injured in the process of watching this game.
  • The 49er’s field goal attempt was blocked in the 1st quarter by Sendejo and recovered by Sherels, so that was a nice surprise after a terrible showing by the defense up to that point.
  • The Vikings next punt was muffed by the 49ers and recovered by Audie Cole. I still love Audie Cole. He is the one bright spot in my otherwise bleak Vikings existence.
  • Jerrick McKinnon logged some nice yardage.
  • The end of the 3rd quarter finally brought us a solid offensive drive by the Vikings. Teddy threw accurately and actually in front of the 1st down marker (making the first down easier to get!), so that was a nice surprise… until it ended in a stupid field goal.
  • Blair Walsh actually made a 37 yard field goal. Barely… but I’ll take it because I have no choice whatsoever in that transaction.
  • Charles Johnson made some good catches.
  • The audience for this game was probably smaller, given the late start, so the completely embarrassing performance will not be witnessed by as many people as the earlier game would have produced.
Coach Zimmer isn't taking any crap from undisciplined dodos.

Coach Zimmer shouldn’t be taking any crap from undisciplined dodos.

The Bad

  • Adrian Peterson has forgotten how to pass block.
  • The defense. In its entirety.
  • Tackling fundamentals. Missed tackles all over the place.
  • Our own right tackle helped sack our own quarterback.
  • Mike Wallace was subjected to pass interference more than once; however, the refs conveniently did not appear to notice that fact.
  • The entire first half was a complete debacle; the 2nd half was slightly less bad.
  • Teddy nearly slid too early and just barely got a first down in the 3rd quarter. He needs to have better awareness of field position.
  • Sloppy penalties like Illegal Use of the Hands, Illegal Substitution on the Offense. Is this Pop Warner or professional football?
This capuchin monkey isn't happy with this stuff!

This capuchin monkey isn’t happy with the entirety of the team.

The Ugly

  • The defense. In its entirety. And yes, I know I put that under “Bad”, too. I meant to do that.
  • The Vikings run defense on the 49er’s first drive. To say it was non-existent would be misleading in that you might think there was potentially some professional defensive football action happening.
  • Teddy’s inability to hit receivers deep was doing the team no favors.
  • Last play of the first half… are we kicking? Passing? No one knows until finally someone does. This ain’t rocket science, Zimmer.
  • Vikings were in the middle of a decent drive in the 4th quarter and then Bridgewater threw an incredibly stupid interception.

The Inexplicable

  • The defense. In its entirety. Yes, I meant to put that here, too.
  • Blair Walsh continues to be terrible. Someone needs to figure out what the hell is wrong with him – especially since the Vikings stupidly extended his contract this summer.
  • In the 2nd quarter, Jeff Locke had a perfectly good punt but due to a penalty, Zimmer decided to re-kick it. Were it not for 2 penalties on the 49ers, that 2nd kick would have been returned for a TD. I gotta say… everything about this game – from the coaching to the playing – was Pop Warner tonight.

So that’s week one, my Vikings friends.

Much to my chagrin, we have 15 weeks of football left. If you’d like, predict the Vikings’ 2015 performance using the poll below, or leave me a comment.


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